Tag: Family

Faith, Family, Forgiveness, God, jesus, Kids, Redemption, Sinner, Uncategorized

One of Those Days…

Amanda Robinson

You know the ones. Everyone and everything is trying the Jesus in you. I’m there today, friend. One of the kids bombed the first unit math test. So, as a homeschooling mom, I’m feeling the weight of fear of failure as a teacher. My patience was thin, like a big old bubblegum bubble that’s stretched to massive proportions. It bursts. It gets everywhere! In your hair, alllll over your face…well you get the picture. It’s a big old mess.

The entire house is a wreck. The laundry pile is not massive, but the clean clothes are piled as high as my 4 year old. I thought I’d lost him in it for a bit, but we’re good now. As much as I’d love to be neat and tidy, I’m not. I mean I am, or was before living with 4 other folks. However, I am actively trying to become more diligent in that area, but it is still a struggle.

Maybe you’re there, too. Maybe you have tried your dead level best to be organized and it just gets destroyed minutes later. Maybe your to the point of packing it in and giving up because the frustration and anger are threatening to erupt like a volcano. Or maybe you don’t understand these thoughts at all. Praise the Lord for that! I’m pretty sure, however, that we all know someone that has been in this season.

I’ll be honest, I was starting to lose it. Not using kind tones when responding to innocent questions. Hyper-critical over every little thing not done exactly how I wanted it. I went to the bathroom and thought that’s it, I’m done! Have you ever seen Mom’s Night Out? It’s great. I highly recommend it. Anyway, the scene where the mom is hiding in her closet, eating chocolate, babbling about the new baby birds hatching…that speaks to my soul today.

My mind was swirling with all the grievances I had against my family and myself. The anger began to build more and more, and then…

I heard a still small voice in my heart saying, “Amanda, you have a choice. One is foolish and leads to sin, the other is wise and leads to Me.” “God, I am so angry! Nothing ever changes,” I said through sobs. “That’s not true. What is true?”, the Lord probed. “Well, it’s true that our family has been more joyful these last few months, and I’ve had less physical pain since You provided the opportunity to swim every day. But I’m still so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start!” I cried out. The Holy Spirit convicted me, “You’ve talked to the kids about Peter’s lack of focus on Me. Have you focused on me today? Or have your eyes been looking to the left and right?” I hung my head and sighed knowing that God already knew the answer and so did I. “My eyes have been on my circumstances and not You, Lord.” God lovingly reminded me that I had a choice. “Which will you choose, Amanda? To give in to despair, crawl into the fetal position and wallow in self-pity, or will you seek Me in this moment?”

Let me pause there for a moment. Friend, the Lord is holy and righteous. He will point out your sin. Its ugly. It does not feel good to see ourselves in light of that sin. To be honest, its more like a punch in the gut. But you know what? No matter what God doesn’t force you to do anything. Its all your choice. The Christian life is not one without trials or heartaches. It is one of sacrifice of self, submitting our stubborn willful sin nature to the cross on which Jesus died for all mankind. But, ya’ll, it is so worth it.

I chose the later today. You might be thinking, “Oh, Amanda, its so easy for you! You’re smiling all the time!” Friend, I’ve chosen the former path and it led to some of the darkest times in my life.

Don’t choose your own way. Choose Jesus. It really is simple. As I blasted the Christian station on Pandora and read the Bible. God gave me a direction – fold the laundry. I’m sure you’ve heard before to fold the laundry and it will help give you a heart of gratefulness. It’s true, it can help. However, if we skip that first step of going to God first, then we are missing out of the power of God’s Word. His Word is what illuminates the deep seeded sin in our hearts. For me, it was selfishness, pride, anger, and perfectionism. Also, I’ll not for the ones who do not struggle with this, but for many (like myself) just going directly to the task only feeds that bitterness and anger. Why? Because the first and most important step has been left out – seeking Jesus.

When, not if, you have “one of those days”, let me encourage you to do the following:

  1. Retreat to a quiet place and cry out to God. Seek His wisdom over the situation.
  2. Read the Bible. Read passages that speak to the situation. (If you don’t have a concordance in your Bible, then go to http://www.biblestudytools.com & search for verses on [insert issue]. You’re simply looking for verse recommendations, not commentaries.) Stay in that moment with God for however long you need to, friend.
  3. Ask God to show you the sin hidden in your heart. For me it was recognizing that I hadn’t been patient, kind or gentle with my family. That was a direct result of focusing on the circumstances instead of my Savior. Maybe, like me, your reaction to the issues weren’t God-honoring. Maybe you were parenting from the world’s perspective, rather than God’s. Maybe your single or married without kids and you’ve been taking things out on your friends or spouse. We all face stress and deal with sin no matter what life stage we are in.
  4. Seek forgiveness. From God and any that you have wronged…yes, that includes your children and/or spouse if you have sinned against them.
  5. Turn on some Christian praise music & fold that laundry. At this point, your heart should feel the freedom of forgiveness and your eyes focused on the blessings of the task. If not, go back to the beginning. Go back to God & His word. Stay there all day if you need to. We must stay humbled at His feet in order to see more clearly the sin we struggle with and how to combat it. It might not be easy or pretty, but it’s worth it.

Friend, have a plan of action because those days will come. When they come, let the first thing we do be go to Jesus.

“Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (HCSB)

By His grace,

Uncategorized

A Dozen Years of Marriage: A few thoughts about being 12 years into life with my love.

Amanda Robinson
Then (5/16/2009) & Now (5/9/2021)

1. Picture it…all 5 of our crew were squished up in a queen sized bed. Proof positive that there WAS room for Jack on the door, Rose. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

2. Being all squished up together is one of my favorite things. I know that time is coming that it won’t happen again so I’m trying to burn those memories deep into my brain – the giggles, the smells, how my hand is holding two sometimes three little hands simultaneously, how we all just fit together. Family.

3. Our daughter, ever the romantic, asks what special thing are we doing to celebrate our anniversary today. I used to feel super depressed if we didn’t have something grand planned for that particular day, but I looked in her bright eyes and said, “Sweetheart, today is so special! That’s true! However, what your dad & I have learned is that there are 365 days a year to celebrate our love. We celebrate by loving Jesus, by laughing, by making memories with y’all.” She giggled. I continued, “Yes, we have set aside special time to celebrate because that’s important, but it may not be fancy or grand and we’re content in that. How big or small we celebrate does not equal how much we love each other.” She nodded thoughtfully. “What’s made our marriage great is that it’s foundation is Jesus and then laughter.” I thought about that statement and how the order of those two tenets is extremely vital to a marriage that thrives and lasts. One that’s rooted in Jesus will inevitably be filled with laughter because of the joy of the Lord’s salvation, without it there’s no hope.

4. When I say Jesus is our foundation I mean it in the deepest way. We pray together and for each other. We point each other back to God through God’s word. We stumble and fall individually & sometimes together, but there is grace and forgiveness because what’s been shown to us on the cross has radically changed our hearts & how we live.

5. Luke said, “Happy Dozen Years of Marriage, Babe!” 🥰 “One whole dozen,” I thought, “like a carton of eggs. 🤔hmmm, each egg is unique. None exactly like before. Some have had a few cracks, but by God’s grace He’s held us in his hands similar to the styrofoam carton. We’ve felt the cracks but He’s always there holding us and protecting us and even if there is ever a crack that’s big enough to break the egg…it’s not going anywhere, the carton has it & will get us home. *disclaimer: This is an imperfect analogy regarding a perfect God so take it with a grain of salt and go with it. ☺️

6. If you are squished into a queen-sized bed with your spouse and 3 children, then you obviously want to play – “there were 5 in the bed and the little one said”. It’s fun and there’s lots of laughter when one-by-one everyone rolls out of the bed, until the littlest is alone in the bed crying because he doesn’t want to be alone. 😭 So we ALLLLL happily piled back into the bed and cuddled. And everything was right once again. 🥰

7. Lastly, I shared my above analogy with my darling husband of 12 years and he chuckles replying, “Of all the things that come in a dozen you chose eggs. Like there’s donuts, cupcakes, etc. haha”. I referred him to the disclaimer. 🤪😂 Laughter, y’all. It’s an important ingredient in our marriage. 😍

Luke Robinson, I love you more than I ever thought possible. I’m so honored to be your bride, your ride or die, adventure partner & lover.

With all that I am, I’m yours. Always. 💜

12 years of marriage…15 together…lots of memories made & a lifetime to go. 😍
Uncategorized

Her 10th Birthday: a love letter to my sweet girl

Amanda Robinson

TEN Years is…

120 months

3,650 days

87,600 hours

5,256,000 minutes

315,360,000 seconds

An infinite amount of love.

Ten Things We Love About Laylah

  1. How you love to serve & help others.
  2. Your giggles
  3. All of your “wouldn’t it be cool if…” ideas
  4. Your love of baking/cooking & how you show love to others through that.
  5. Your love for your brothers.
  6. You could always make room for one more cat. (a.k.a. crazy cat lady!)
  7. How you still let us snuggle with you & don’t mind us calling you our baby.
  8. That you never meet a stranger. At one point I had to stop taking you to e grocery store with me because my 30 min trips would last over an hour because you had to stop and talk to everyone. That’s good, sweet girl, God will use that to bring joy to those struggling.
  9. Your love of reading – I admire that about you.
  10. The compassion that you show to those around you.

Laylah, these 10 things are not even a drop in all of the waters of the world of how much we love you! Sweet girl, we know that this year has been really different but you have met each challenge & change by trying your hardest to see the bright side. You transitioned back to homeschool with great ease. Your Daddy & I have been brought to joyous tears in seeing your spark return!

You take such joy in making breakfast for the family & ensuring that Mommy always has fresh coffee to start the day. We lovingly joke about Mommy’s rule – No talkie before coffee – but it makes me feel so loved that you care that much & want to talk with me. It makes me hopeful & excited about the possibilities of the future – the many coffee dates with deep and meaningful conversations. Ten years ago I was so scared to be raising a daughter, but God knew exactly what I needed and what I deeply longed for even before I discovered it. He’s so good like that.

He made you so much like me…but praise God He gave you your daddy’s temperament. You may not be aware just yet, but you’ve been such a refining force of the Lord in my life. Who I am today is not who I once was by the grace of the Holy Spirit at work in my life through the many, many sanctifying moments of motherhood. Many of those moments were sanctifying and hard for us both, but I will forever gladly rejoice in that. You, precious daughter, are loved and treasured not for what you do or bring to this family, but simply because you are you.

My prayer for you, sweet Laylah, is that as things continue to change you will cling to Jesus and trust in His unchanging & steadfast faithfulness. Amen.

With all my love,

Mommy

My Laylahbug
birthdays, Faith, Family, Kids

Hello!

Amanda Robinson

Good morning on this fabulously fall Friday! Some of you have been following along for quite some time and I have yet to do a Friday Introduction day. Well today just so happens to be a special day in our family because its my birthday! Woooo! I know. I know. I’m an adult and we don’t get birthdays. (insert gigantic eye roll) But in our family birthdays are kind of a big deal. Depending on the year, I may throw an elaborate party for the kiddos or it might be a tiny family shindig, but that’s not the important part. Its my firm belief that we should celebrate each life and praise the Lord for each year we’ve been granted on this side of Heaven.

Its my firm belief that we should celebrate each life and praise the Lord for each year we’ve been granted on this side of Heaven.

The Broken Smile

Hi, my name’s Amanda and I LOVE to celebrate birthdays!

So, on a birthday we usually have a special breakfast chosen by the birthday boy or girl.

Fun Fact #1: I love pancakes. I’m kind of a pancake snob. Annnnd I have a fantastic recipe for some made-from-scratch pancakes that are by far my fam’s favorite. Just sayin’ – they’re delish. I totally had pancakes this morning!

During breakfast we each take turns telling the birthday person why he/she is special to us and how they are a blessing to our family. We pray and thank the Lord for giving us the gift of that person.

Side note: I believe these kinds of life giving words are important on the daily not just a birthday; however, there is something extra sweet when we tie it into the significance of God’s sovereign plan for that person. None of us are accidents. We all, whether wanted or not, are only here by the hand of the God of all Creation. He doesn’t make mistakes. In that we celebrate.

Fun Fact #2: I love balloons! Its just a really simple (and cheap) way to put a smile on someone’s face.

Over the years, we have given balloons to each kid in fun ways. One year I blew up probably 20+ balloons and scattered them all about the floor of our daughter’s bedroom while she was sleeping. We were awakened before dawn with loads of giggles! For our middle, we made it rain balloons from the ceiling when he opened his bedroom door. His smile and Big Sister’s excitement over the anticipation of blessing her little brother – priceless. Or sometimes its just a really cute mylar balloon.

Someone once told me that I set the bar too high for birthdays and that I’ll have to top it each year. No. I don’t believe that to be true. I believe that we should teach our children to have the same gratitude in the little blessings as in the big ones. Because guess what y’all, the Lord does not give out the same blessings to everyone. How do we as adults respond? Are we content with what we are given? OR do we tend to side-eye our neighbor and let that jealousy root take hold in our hearts? I know I’ve been guilty of the latter. So why wouldn’t we use these situations as a teachable moment for our children? Practice contentment and gratitude in all things that the Lord has given us, rather than coveting what He has given our neighbor.

Usually, we wrap the day up with special one-on-one snuggles with the birthday kid…or all the kids if its Mommy 0r Daddy’s birthday…and we recount the stories of how we found out we were expecting the birthday child and the events of their birth. Currently our oldest is the only one that really understands this, but she loves it and belly laughs every year we tell her story. She’ll be 9 in December.

Fun Fact #3: I never really dreamed of being a mom. However, the moment I met my eldest…well, to say it was life changing sounds really clichѐ, but now there’s nothing else I’d rather be.

Fun Fact #4: I’m a child of the 80s and had a bowl cut like my older brother from the time I first got hair until…maybe 1st grade. #thanksmom 😛 Anyway, there’s pictures. They’re hilarious. I may share some in the future for kicks and giggles. haha

Fun Fact #5: I’m a straight shooter. Ha my husband will tell people that my love language to him is brutal honesty. That may or may not have gotten me into a good bit of trouble as a kid. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit has helped me temper that with love. Although, truth be told, its something I have to keep in check. So don’t ask me, if you don’t want the truth. Just gonna go ahead and throw that out there. 😉

So, now you know a little bit of our family birthday tradition and a few fun facts about me! What are your birthday traditions? Comment below! I love to hear how others celebrate within their families! Thanks for stopping by!

For His glory,

circa 2013 – I also really love squirrels. 😀

DIY, Kids

DIY Baby Wipes

Amanda Robinson

Six years ago, I was a first time mom with a precious little babe who happened to have some of the most horrendous diaper blow-outs on the daily. Changing Monkey’s diaper was a nightmare of screaming and wailing! Why? Because not only was her poor little bum being bombarded with the acidity from her stank nasty diapers, but the chemicals in the diaper wipes were like rubbing salt into an open wound. Every single time a wipe touched her bum she would recoil with major crocodile tears.  And y’all this was when I used the “sensitive” and “natural” wipes from those major baby product companies!* It was truly heartbreaking.

At the time, I decided to use both toilet paper and a warm wet wash cloth to take care of business.  It was a decent solution, but it wasn’t that practical for on-the-go jobs.  So, I sought out ways to make my own safer and natural disposable wipes! If you happen to have a sweet little who has a super sensitive bum, then these wipes will serve you well. Let’s face it – these wipes are great for all the bums (big and small)! 😉

*Companies have not been named so I won’t get sued.

DIY Diaper Wipes

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Ingredients:

Step 1:

Open the hand towel box at the BOTTOM and remove the entire stack. Put entire stack of towels into the diaper wipe container. Be sure that they are “right side up”. This will make it easier for them to feed through the lid opening.

Open from the bottom and remove the entire stack of towels.
Place the stack “upright” in container.

Step 2:

Add 2 – 3 drops of Young Living Gentle Baby Essential Oil into the warm water.  Here is the hardest part…ready? Stir it and pour over the stack of towels in the container! Now you will need to press down on the stack, flipping it as you pour ensuring that the entire stack is saturated with the water and oil.

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Step 3:

Gently pull the top sheet up and through the lid opening.

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That’s it! You’re done! I mean, really, how easy was that?! Some may say its not worth it, but I say its not worth putting liquid fire on your precious baby’s bum!

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P.S.

If you would like to start your wellness journey on making your home a safer and healthier place for your family by purchasing a Young Living Premium Starter Kit, then follow my link here.

 

Food

What We Eatin’ Wednesday

Amanda Robinson

About a year ago, the hubs and I decided that we needed to make a drastic change in our eating habits. We had a crazy busy schedule what with homeschooling Monkey, church commitments, Luke still working on his Masters, and a super cute but needy 4 month old. I dare say that everyone that reads this will have some form of their own crazy schedule…that’s just the nature of the beast called life as an adult. Unfortunately and shamefully, we had fallen into the horrible (and expensive) habit of eating out…all. the. time. (GASP! I know it’s shameful so don’t comment on that ;-P )

I came across something known as Whole30. It was an intriguing concept – eating foods that were whole and unprocessed.  I mean, really, for a child of the 80s whose mama coulda been the 1st Sandra Lee semi-homemade with her skills of turning boxed foods into meals – this was a novel idea!  There is, however, a lot of detail that I don’t want to state incorrectly.  So if you are interested in trying a Whole30, you can read more on it here. It was a tough month for sure. Days 2 – 4 were not pretty…I was not a happy camper in the sugar detox phase. Truthfully, I  should have been isolated. Apologies to anyone I snapped at during that time! But I digress.  A year and another kid later we have fallen back into a lot of old eating habits…namely the sugar dragon has come to live amongst us once again.

Last week, we decided that an overhaul of our dietary consumption was due. This time we decided to do a modified version of Whole30. Meaning we will limit grains, dairy, and as much sugar as possible, but with me nursing and 2 older kiddos we felt that deleting a particular food group wasn’t the best fit for us. Am I saying Whole 30 is bad or not kid friendly? No. Actually the first time around the whole family participated. And by that I mean the kids ate whatever I cooked. Haha a beloved friend uses this phrase for her family and we adopted it for ours – “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.” Ya’ll, Monkey learned that REAL quick and has been teaching the boys since the day they each arrived! Ha! In her defense, she isn’t a picky eater until it comes to snacks and then it becomes a negotiation that any corporate lawyer would be proud of.

As the school year begins, along with having a newbie here, planning is crucial to survival. Now if you know us well, then you know planning and sticking to said plans is somewhat of a challenge. Why? Because the Duke and I tend to be very spontaneous and free-spirited, neither of which bode well in sticking to a plan – even a menu plan. But during our Whole30 month, we found some pretty easy and tasty recipes! I figured that I would share them with ya’ll as we make them again.

Up First – TACOS!

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Don’t be put off by the lack of a cornflour hard shell! These tacos made with Romaine lettuce are light, but pack a wallop in the flavor department! Thanks to Alton Brown’s amazing seasoning – Taco Potion #19! Now his seasoning contains cornstarch which is not Whole 30 approved so we leave that off. You can add it if you choose – no biggie! We also do not use the Cayenne powder simply because we’ve got 3 littles – 1 of which isn’t a big fan of hot spices. The variations on this recipe is practically limitless! Make this and comment below to let me know what you think!

Ingredients:

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For Tacos:

  • 2 lbs.  – lean ground beef
  • 1 – bunch Romaine lettuce
  • 1 – white onion – diced
  • 1 – tomato – diced
  • 1 – avocado – sliced
  • cilantro – chopped
  • 1 – lime
  • Trader Joe’s Salsa Verde

For Taco Potion #19 ingredients click HERE

Instructions:

Brown beef. Drain.

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Add Taco Potion #19.

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Then layer all the yummy toppings onto a piece of Romaine lettuce. Serve – and wait for applause and demands for seconds (sometimes 3rds!). #yourewelcome 😉

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So, go wash them dishes and get your kitchen ready to crank out some DELICIOUS food that the whole family will LOVE! Then drop me a line to let me know how it went!

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Kids

*Warning: Not for the Squeamish

Amanda Robinson

I mean I’m not a parenting newb and I’ve been around enough kids to know that parenting is not for the faint of heart…nor the squeamish. Ha!  The Booge has eaten his fair share of nasty things…food off public floors, a bug, boogers, etc.  But today the kid reached an all-time low.

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We headed outside to play, I was wearing R and had glanced down to make sure his head was positioned correctly and that I had his head out of the sun.  So, for all of 5 seconds I had looked away from The Booge, at which point, I look up to see him squatting in the grass.  I thought, oh good he’s exploring! How exciting!  Then…I see his mouth move as if chewing something.

I know this isn’t going to end well.  Y’all, I know.  I just know it’s going to be another bug.  I immediately take off towards him.  As I get closer I see a slight smudge on his cheek.  A brownish-green smudge…

And as I reached for my darling blue-eyed cutie I smell the smell.  Y’all know that smell.  DOG POOP! Lo and behold, what is my little cutie about to do?  Stick his fingers back into a big pile of dog feces!! UGH! Come on, son!

Now, being a good ol’ Southern mama, and part tomboy at heart, poop does not phase me.  There have been many a times that I have stepped in it…both literally and figuratively, but those are other tales for other days.  So, while wearing my one-month old, I grabbed the fifteen-month old up, held him at arm’s length, and quickly ushered him inside to inspect the damage.

Upon further scrutiny there was, in fact, some residual fecal matter on his little tongue. Yep, that’s right folks…my son ate poop.  And bless him, he wasn’t fazed a bit.  The kid didn’t gag, didn’t cry…nothing.  I mean I think I saw him second guess his decision about going in for seconds when I think back, but, it was kind of a blur so I can’t be for sure!

Anyway, there should be a lesson in here somewhere…

Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. – Proverbs 26:11

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Here’s to a good laugh and a great reminder – don’t eat the poop.

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Faith

It’s a…

Amanda Robinson

Three weeks ago today I wrote my very first blog…and since then nothing. Now, some of you might not be aware, but there was a pretty good reason for that. The very next morning, actually about 4 hours after posting the Transparent MOMent post, I woke my husband up and said, “Get up! We’ve gots to go!” Thankfully my precious mother-in-love was in town staying with us so we woke her and Monkey up to tell them bye. Poor Monkey was sad that she couldn’t go with us, but with the reassurance that she could come visit as soon as Baby R was born she went right back to sleep.

Arrival in the wee hours…
Getting settled in
The Duke & I ❤

Later that morning we received some pretty adorable visitors. It thrilled Mommy’s soul to see her older babies!

The Ringleader – Monkey
It was nap time and he was done waiting. Ha

We had a few hours of waiting…and about 30 minutes before Baby R’s arrival the little stinker turned to the side! My doctor decided that we would try turning me on my side first and if that didn’t work, the next course of action would be what I feared most…a c-section.

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At this point, baby’s heart rate was starting to drop. It was a very emotional time ya’ll. But the Lord was neither dismayed nor put off by everything that happened and was faithful to sustain us during that time of uncertainty. Thankfully after 30 minutes baby DID turn and after only TWO pushes we FINALLY met our newest blessing! Can I just say that we LOVE our OB! She has delivered both Robinson #2 & #3. And both times as the end neared, I felt weary or scared she was ready with encouragement and each time she rejoiced with us – laughter, tears, and hugs! That dear friends is a great doctor and we are truly thankful for her.

Without further ado, we would like to introduce the newest Robinson —

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We are pretty smitten and are praising the Lord of all Creation for His good gifts to us!

“For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.” ~ 1 Samuel 1:27

Stay tuned for more adorable photos and an update of how we are adjusting as a family of 5!

Faith

Transparent MOMent

Amanda Robinson

We (the hubs and I) have prayed and longed for a big family for years…don’t get sidetracked by numbers folks (I know some of you will ask and it’s just none ya business). It was something we discussed while we dated and were on the same page about. Then came marriage and real life. We had Monkey…baby #1, the eldest – our strong-willed sweet southern belle! Whew, boy, the Lord definitely used her to show me many, many things!

  1. I do NOT know everything (shocker, right?!) 😉😜
  2. I was a very selfish person
  3. All my sins came wrapped in a tiny human version of me (so very scary…and sad)
  4. New mamas need grace – extra even because they are scared…and scared folks say and do some crazy stuff!
  5. If you go through life always comparing yourself to other mothers, then Satan is gonna steal your joy faster than my 15 month old can shove a bug in his mouth (lightening speed, y’all, lightening).

There were many other lessons learned over the next few years. Not the least of which was that we, humans, have no control over the conception of life. Sure, doctors have gotten pretty good at helping couples with infertility. Then there are those blessed women who can “get pregnant by just my husband looking at me.” I get it. I was naïve (Hmm, prideful would be the better term), too. But the reality is there is absolutely no life that comes into this world that is not ordained by the God of All creation. It’s true. But that’s a post for another time! I’ve written before about how it took us 3 years of trying before we were able to getting pregnant with The Booge (#2). But what I didn’t tell you was that the two years prior to that while being a new mama to a little blonde spit-fire, I had arrogantly decided in my heart when, if ever again, I would have another baby.   *Oh, prideful, naïve Amanda*

I went through a lot those first two years and I didn’t always handle it in a way that honored my Savior. God did a lot of refining, sanding if you will, which made me realize just how selfish I was. To be a parent…a good one…selfishness has no place in the equation. Year 3, we had decided it was time to try for kiddo #2! Arrogantly, I assumed that we wouldn’t have any trouble getting pregnant because – well, it only took like 2 months with #1; therefore, it couldn’t possibly take long for any subsequent children. Wrong! Remember how we talked about God being the One who ordains all life on Earth?? Yeah. He does. And I pretty much spent the latter half of year 3 & the entirety of year 4 questioning God and pleading with him for another baby.

Thoughts like – “I must be the most horrible mom to Monkey and that’s why God won’t give us another kid”, “Why, God, would You give that unwed teen a baby when she does not want it and wants to kill it?!” Oooo, that last one y’all…it hurt. Ripped-my-heart-out bad. Not only did that happen, but I also had an older lady confess to an abortion during her early 20s and sought my counsel. Oh, my heart broke. But you know what God was teaching me? His timing is perfect. His plan is greater than I could ever imagine…even in the bad, He is still good. He also taught me a great deal about being sensitive to those around me because we don’t know their stories. And the thing I thought was the hardest turned out to be the greatest lesson…looking into the face of a broken woman with years of guilt and shame over killing her precious baby and being able to confidently tell her – God can and will forgive you, if you ask Him. And at the same time knowing that His forgiveness of her sins meant that He forgives me and that His blessings were not contingent on my goodness or behavior, but in spite of. Knowing that if He so chose to, He would grant us more children in His time. A month later we found out about The Booge (#2)! Praise the Lord!

Truthfully, at that point we assumed that Boogie would be our last. Not because we didn’t want more (we still wanted a big family) but we were content with God answering our prayer and assumed that was that. Fast forward and it’s Christmas time! Monkey was a week shy of turning 6 years old, The Booge was a week shy of turning 8 months old and on Christmas Eve we found out that we were blessed with baby #3! Y’all, we laughed so hard! We laughed at the goodness of God and how in our simple human view we had limited Him.

After all this rambling, I’m getting to the transparent part. So, yeah, God answered our original prayer to have a big family and we were thrilled! Until I wasn’t. Wait what?! How dare she say that?! After all that you have been through, Amanda?! After all that you have seen friends suffer through with infertility, death of their precious children – how could you not possibly be super excited the entire time?! Well, because I’m a sinner and I let Satan sneak in some pretty crummy thoughts through other folks. Like…

“Y’all are still in seminary. Y’all live in a tiny apartment…how in the world are y’all going to fit a 3rd kid in there??” “Y’all are gonna have to get a new car because the Xterra can’t fit 3 car seats. How are y’all gonna afford that?” The best one came after sharing my struggle with a family member about The Booge not being the best sleeper. Her response was “Well, (scoff) if you think it’s hard now, how do you think it’s going to be with 3?” “Oh you’re going to have your hands full.” *Various other things that chipped away at the goodness of God’s gift and placed tons of doubt and insecurities into my heart and mind.

Why am I sharing this? Because it is important for you to understand that folks in ministry struggle just like everyone else. We need people who will reinforce God’s truth! The truth that God gave us this blessing and He will be faithful to provide! Y’all here is a major truth bomb – ready? Each child is a blessing from the Lord regardless of whether he/she was planned or not. Most importantly we MUST take every thought, comment, image that we see captive and measure it according to God’s standard – His Word! We cannot let the world be the measuring stick with which we gauge God’s truth…it must be the other way around. What happens when we don’t take those lies captive? When we let them creep in and instead of immediately kicking them out and telling Satan to “shut it & get behind me because my God is able!” Well, it leads to a troubled heart, unsettled mind and fear…loads of fear.

For me it’s been the last week or so, I have been so grateful for the extra help around here (my mother-in-love is a jewel!), but Satan started to put that doubt in my mind of – “well, Amanda, you’ve been struggling with keeping up with everything and baby 3 hasn’t even arrived, yet! You will definitely fail once baby arrives…there’s no way y’all are gonna survive!” And last night during some heavier contractions, I admitted it…I am scared about having a third kid. 👀😳 There I said it. (Just an FYI if you comment on this have nothing supportive to add, but only snark or criticism I will delete it…then you. Why? Because you are being a tool for Satan and I will not allow that. K?)

A wise mentor and friend said… “Baby R has been sent to a child of God by God, who makes no mistakes & He loves you both…” Let that sink in. God makes no mistakes. He chose me to be Monkey, The Booge and Baby R’s mama…not you, me…just plain me and that’s enough. Will we have a transition period? You betcha! Will there be tears…LOL most likely! Will we survive and thrive – definitely. Why? Because my God is able! 😍🙌

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8